Happy New Year!!

Today I got a call from my sister and spoke with my nephew whose picture is to your left. We chatted, he said "I miss you!" "I love you!" and things like that which make me smile, ache a little and glow with happiness. He's so very dear to me. I spoke to him quickly before we all hung up and said, "I love you!" and he responded, "Love you too!!" My heart just swelled- he's such a dear boy. His mom got on the phone, my sister, Maria, and said, "He never says that to me- you must be special!" I laughed, and noted not a stitch of jealousy in that comment was heard- just love and just what I needed. Don't we all though, don't we all!! Love to you readers who stop by my inconsistent sometimes happy and sometimes sad blog- love...:)

Strangely Emotional This Time Of Year

6 months ago, I lost a piece of us and it continues to haunt me. For some reason, I have grown more emotional in the last few days as Christmas draws nearer. The passing of time has healed me and allowed me to move on a bit, but this time of year leaves me aching for a family of my own. A child. Being older, wanting a baby and feeling disconnected from those things like family which encompasses more than just a baby, you know. It is like the past, present and future all rolled in to one thing (or many if you have a couple of children). The world faces greater problems than our little miscarriage, but it really meant a lot to me to have a baby.

Catalyst Art

I have created two more pages in my journal just this morning. Art has been my salvation through loss and it is morphing as I conjure a more positive mindset. Allowing the grief in, sitting with it, letting it go as it would and exploring issues I did not comprehend has forced me to grow. Better yet, I've allowed my soul to grow to accommodate my hopes and dreams instead of shutting them off stifling them from myself even. The prompt at creative Therapy asks us to express what it is we might be looking forward to and this is my art journaling attempt at a response. I am looking forward to saying goodbye to this past year. It was a year of joy, disappointment, anger, grief, insecurity, fear, delight and contemplation- but I am ready to move on to 2010. 2009 brought me many personal challenges amidst a world fraught with insecurity and heart wrenching issues (war, the economy, illness). 2010 seems a dream in some sense now, but it is full of possibilities, hope and dreams for us all.

Art Everywhere

Yay, I am building scanner skills and so happy with the results. These journal pages represent my attempts at "going with the flow" after feeling as though I was pregnant and then knowing I wasn't a short time ago. I definitely am feeling I have been influenced by the sweet possibilitarian, Kelly Rae. I dug in to her book Taking Flight and worked through her chapters allowing positivity to embrace me and these are the ladies representing that movement.

Still Fragile but Stretching Out

Last night I enjoyed a relaxing and fun dinner with a dear friend, Margaret at a local restaurant. We drank wine, had an appetizer, ate our meals and even got dessert!!! This was a real treat for me both in our time together and that she did "treat me" to dinner. :) I am so grateful to have her in my life.

I also spent time this week with a newer friend- 4 hours!! A fellow graduate student who is moving like lightning through the process was like a lightsource to me. Laura and I talked non-stop as her lovely wife came in and out of the coffee shop restaurant we were parked in. We are definitely all soul sisters at the start of an amazing friendship.

Also, I've been in touch with an old friend almost lost due to time and distance. My heart grows wider with every email and each picture she sent of her quilling- it was divine to see her creativity in that format. Yay, Jes!

Additionally, I took a chance and sent an email to a brilliant professor, Dr. Patricia Leavy and let her know how divinely inspired I was in reading just the beginning of her book. It filled me up when I was not sure of my course anymore.

Finally, I went by to visit my brothers ( a couple) who patiently protect me and deal with me all at once. George and Stephen are like those sturdy trees observant and caring all in one fell swoop. Stephen showed me a piece he was working on for me- a beauteous work with small layered bits of color comprising imagery- he's amazing! And it features our favorite Disney character we had dreamed of sharing with a little one this upcoming year. Dory!!! I love Finding Nemo- it is one of our favorite kids movies of all time. Madagascar and Ice Age run second and third, but we can literally watch Finding Nemo any time.

And it may be trite and a bit overused, but I believe in Dory's adage, "Keep swimming!"

Winter Spirits

These images blew in with the wintry weather and have taken up residence in my journal. My Brave Frosty Lady is inspired by the photos found on kelly rae's blog where the women at an art retreat painted words on their bodies. I wanted to take part too, so my Winter Guardian is "Brave." My favorite bird is the cardinal so she had to have one in her hair. The poem I wrote is
" Winter's frost settles in and her birds flock in specks of color and light.
Through the chill she carries with her hopes of bravery and courage for us all..."
I made both of the spirit's eyes otherworldy- colors unseen in our everyday experience. White silvery hair signifies winter, wisdom and peace all of which I hope to inspire and embrace.

The collaged mixed media soaring spirit flies with freedom and abandon. She is buoyed by the words and intentions of "unfettered creativity," self love and courage- all of which are reminders to go forward in life with these things in mind. These spirits come to me with hope and love in their hearts which I am lucky enough to share with you. Thank you for stopping by. xo

Journey

Making art as I call it has been my bridge through pain, through a heart and mind gripped in agony, through time as it moved too quickly or much too slowly. Words often fail me as I have moved through a heartache that brought me to my knees. With images and drawings echoing 5th grade art class, I have poured parts of myself on these pages. Miscarriage is a process of loss tied up with hopes and dreams. In sharing these images of my journey as it began which differs from where it is now, my story begins to take shape. Know that I chose this option, this expression over others offered at the time, namely medication, and it has freed my artist and my soul unlike any other process. I offer these with love and hope in my heart.